drinking jokes

  • How do you make Holy water? Boil the hell out of it.
  • I was going to quit all my bad habits for the new year, but then I remembered nobody likes a quitter.
  • It's a ten minute walk from my house to the pub. Weirdly, it's a two hour walk back.
  • Remember, what doesn't kill you, makes a great story.
  • I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.
  • Why is it alcohol can kill brain cells but, not fat cells?
  • I am a 'knows-nonsense' type of person.
  • I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.
  • Alcohol is the liquid version of Photoshop.
  • I bet tightrope walkers have no trouble passing police sobriety tests.
  • The only job in which I could see myself taking my work home with me would be sommelier.
  • The party's not over 'till you smile for the mugshot.