jokes about friendship

  • Friends finally ask me out to bar… Designated driver.
  • I blame Disney movies for making me believe singing fixes everything.
  • If someone asks you if you "have a sec" and you answer "I have lots of secs", they will forget their original question.
  • When you really want to slap someone, do it and yell "Mosquito!"
  • The party's not over 'till you smile for the mugshot.
  • Play dumb?!... You could coach the team!
  • Honesty is the best policy. Unless you want people to like you.
  • Your secrets are safe with me, I wasn't even listening to you.
  • A bunch of my friends are coming over tonight to play on their phones.
  • True friends do not judge each other. They judge other people together.
  • My wife ran off with my best friend last week. I miss him!
  • If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.