funny confessions

Some people are like Slinkies... Useless, but bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs.
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My spirit animal is a scapegoat.I once was so drunk, I hugged my shower and asked it to stop crying..."Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?" "Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today!'"
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