breakup jokes

  • I don’t make mistakes, I date them.
  • Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole.
  • The phrase, "Don't take this the wrong way" has a zero percent success rate.
  • You haven't truly won an argument until the other person says "whatever."
  • My relationship with my ex wife was very psychological... She's psycho and I'm logical.
  • Sometimes the sparks are flying because you are scraping bottom.
  • My brain is giving me the silent treatment today.
  • Relationships are a lot like algebra... Ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
  • My wife ran off with my best friend last week. I miss him!
  • Losing a husband can be hard: in my case it was almost impossible.
  • During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called from a hotel.
  • The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.
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