breakup jokes

  • I'm not saying that I hate you, I'm just hoping that you have your next period while swimming inside of a shark tank
  • "I just ended a five-year relationship." "OMG, you OK?!?" "Yeah, I'm fine, it wasn't my relationship."
  • All I've ever wanted, was to have a loving boyfriend. All I want now, is to drink more vodka.
  • Ah yes, Divorce...from the Latin word meaning, "to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet".... $1200. at a time...
  • My relationship with my (soon to be) ex-husband was very psychological.... He's Psycho and I'm Logical !!
  • I'm not saying I hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone.
  • May the bridges I burn light the way.
  • Imagine going from thinking you're going to spend to rest of your life with someone to hoping to never seeing them again
  • My ex is living proof of how stupid I can be...
  • My last relationship was like Forrest Gump and Jenny... ...I was retarded... ..and she was a whore.
  • I'd slap you, but I don't want to get slut on my hand...
  • Saying you are dumped, but we can still be friends is like saying the dog died, but we can take it for a walk anyway...