drinking jokes

  • I do not get drunk... ...I get awesome.
  • I'm not an alcoholic, alcoholics go to meetings. I'm a drunk, we go to parties...
  • Nothing says "Let's celebrate America!" quite like drinking beer and playing with explosives.
  • According to chemistry it's a SOLUTION.
  • I DON'T WATCH SOCCER... If I wanted to watch guys struggle to score for 90 minutes, I'd take my friends out to the bar
  • I used to be able to party all weekend... ...now, one night of drinking requires more time to recover than a minor surgery...
  • The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest...
  • I once was so drunk, I hugged my shower and asked it to stop crying...
  • American beer is like sex in canoe. Fucking close to water.
  • The only thing I hate about Friday night is that I can't remember it...
  • I called the restaurant I was at to order another beer. People say I'm lazy...
  • When you drink alcohol you are just borrowing happiness from tomorrow.