funny invitations

  • I once was so drunk, I hugged my shower and asked it to stop crying...
  • Plans after Crimea? Well, Alaska used to be part of Russia...
  • I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.
  • The concert that costs 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickelback.
  • Drink coffee! Do stupid things faster with more energy!
  • I lost a very close friend and drinking buddy last week. He got his finger caught in a wedding ring.
  • This Halloween I'm dressing up as a period. Then I'll show up late and someone's going to be really scared.
  • If a tree falls in the forest and nobody's around to hear it... ...have we found the perfect place for a Justin Bieber concert?