animal jokes

  • People who are offended when I breastfeed in public need to shut up. What I'm doing is natural and strengthens the bond between me and my dog!
  • Every time a bird shits on my car, I eat a plate of scrambled eggs on my porch just to show them what I am capable of...
  • What if birds aren't singing and are screaming because they're afraid of heights?
  • I have received your stool sample. It was delicious!
  • Be the person your dog thinks you are.
  • This kid has stuffed three plastic horses up his butt. His condition is stable.
  • What do quantum whales eat? Planckton.
  • I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
  • You want me to come? Can't I just fake it like your girlfriend?
  • I have the heart of a lion, and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
  • It's sad that a family can be torn apart by something as simple as wild dogs.
  • I've been waiting for the bus so long, someone just stapled a lost cat flyer to my chest.