flirting jokes

  • Side effects include weight gain, depression and loss of sex drive... ...Ask your doctor if marriage is right for you.
  • If you're thinking what I'm thinking... ...you need professional help.
  • I'm a lady, but when I'm mad I am an evil sadistic bitch spawned from hell that will make you wish you were never born... When I'm happy, I bake and I'm cute.
  • I don't need to flirt. I'll seduce you with my awkwardness!
  • I have leg issues when I drink. What, your ankles swell up? Nope, my legs open.
  • My opinions are like my bed sheets. I only change them if it helps me get laid.
  • Everything I like is either too expensive, illegal or doesn't answer my texts...
  • I just want you to be happy... ...and maybe a little bit naked.
  • Can I please take picture of you? So I can send Santa what I want for christmas.
  • Make up is women's war paint... ...in their battle against the time.
  • If I was an endoplasmic reticulum, how would you want me? Smooth or rough?
  • Come as you are!