funny confessions

This is what I look like when I wake up after a nap and am not sure whether 20 minutes or 10 years have passed.
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"Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?" "Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today!'"My spirit animal is a scapegoat.I've been waiting for the bus so long, someone just stapled a lost cat flyer to my chest.
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