jokes about work

  • My wife's insisting I quit my job because she thinks its cruel that we test the products on animals. I think she's got a point, I guess. I work at a hammer factory.
  • I hate when I get to the office and there isn't a smoking crater where the building is...
  • Have you ever felt like answering every question with a middle finger? Yep, that's pretty much how I feel today.
  • Uni teaches us to work 11 hours a day, 7 days a week, two weeks a year.
  • Right now I have so much to do, that I decided to take a nap instead.
  • Sometimes I think, "Screw this, I'll be a stripper!" Then I realise I'm fat... ...and I can't dance.
  • Thanks for your complaint... ...let me file it under "fuck it"
  • I can't decide if I need a hug, a large coffee, six shots of vodka, or a week of sleep.
  • I got a call from a modelling agency today... They wanted me to pose for some "Before" pictures.
  • Finding the right Massage Therapist is like dating. They are NOT all the same.
  • I don't need sex... ...the government f*cks me everyday!
  • I could be a morning person, if morning happened around noon!
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